


i'd forgotten how it feels (having my head over my heels)

by elliotfromseattle



Category: Blaseball (Video Game)
Genre: Dissociation, F/F, Fire, Panic Attacks, it's cute i hope u all like it xoxo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-17 05:02:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28843545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elliotfromseattle/pseuds/elliotfromseattle
Summary: On the fourteenth day of her third life, Jaylen Hotdogfingers found herself trapped in flames in a bar bathroom in Chicago.Or: sometimes you're terrified of fire because you once died in one, and then you get caught in another and the prettiest firefighter on the squad has to rescue you.
Relationships: Rivers Rosa/Jaylen Hotdogfingers
Comments: 5
Kudos: 19
Collections: We Are Fanwork Creators





	i'd forgotten how it feels (having my head over my heels)

On the fourteenth day of her third life, Jaylen Hotdogfingers found herself in a bar bathroom in Chicago.

It didn't matter how she got here. It didn't matter that Knight Triumphant was visiting their kid (poor kid, called to become a firefighter so young). It didn't matter that they invited her to come with. It didn't matter that she took the opportunity in order to get away from the constant icebreakers and board game nights in San Francisco. It didn't matter that the Seattle Garages were coincidentally playing a show that same night that they were in town, or that Jaylen just happened to give Knight the slip, just happened to walk into the venue and just happened to see one of the Garages' newest pitchers setting up on stage and just happened to freeze just happened to feel something stir in her gut feel like she was going to throw up and just happened to run off into the

It didn't matter how Jaylen Hotdogfingers found herself in a bar bathroom in Chicago, washing her face in the sink as an excuse to stay in there as long as possible.

_This was a stupid idea. Why did I think this would be remotely okay? That I'd be able to just see the band? Just enjoy the music and then chat with everyone after the show? "Hi everyone, how's it been? Remember when you all brought me back to life and then I killed a bunch of people? Anyway I killed god. San Francisco's great, by the way."_

She pulled out her phone, ready to call Knight to pick her up, but paused, her imagination running wild with what they'd say.

_"Forsooth! Lady Hotdogfingers, where art thou? … Ah. Perchance thy might like to speaketh of thy feelings on thy former team and thy resurrection? I am at each moment prepared to break with such topics, if't would help the good lady."_

The only thing Jaylen was worse at than trying to imitate Knight's medieval speech was talking about her feelings.

She was stuck in the bathroom, caught between her desire to get out of here and her dislike of being what she'd consider a coward.

"Yeah it's Goodwin's first show, excited to see what she does with that guitar."

The bathroom door opened. Jaylen practically dove into a stall the moment she heard Malik Destiny's voice waft in. She peeked under the stall door, seeing two pairs of legs and one cat tail (presumably Malik's) walk past. One pair dipped into the stall next to Jaylen.

"Did you hear her at rehearsal? Girl was fucking shredding."

Paula Turnip. Of course. Why shouldn't she get trapped in the stall next to the one member of the Garages that just absolutely hates her guts? Things had been simmering between them for about a month after Paula swapped onto the team--apparently people don't like it when you kill their teammates, intentionally or not. It all led to a screaming match in the locker room after Jaylen lost them the first game of the postseason (against Betsy Trombone, of all people--if Jaylen ran into them tonight too she thought she would lose it). Paula wasn't one to mince her words, telling Jaylen straight up that being a good pitcher was the least she could do after killing twelve people to earn the right to stay alive.

The two hadn't spoken since.

Jaylen replayed that argument over in her mind once again as she waited for the Garages members to leave the bathroom. She couldn't blame anyone for hating her for what she'd done but…

Why didn't anyone understand that she didn't have a choice in it all?

The bathroom door opened again, and Jaylen listened as Paula and Malik's conversation took itself back into the rest of the bar. She reached for the latch on the stall door but stopped, rethinking.

_Fuck. Can't go out there now, can I? Ugh. This whole idea was stupid, of course I'd run into her. Guess I'll just… hide in this bathroom until this bar closes._

She felt pathetic as she sat in the bathroom stall, watching her phone battery drain as she played some stupid mobile game to pass the time.

_How could I have forgotten that Paula would be here? I'm so fucking stupid. Should've just stayed in San Francisco. Have Don lead us in two truths and a lie or charades or some shit. Ugh. At least this night can't get any worse._

A loud alarm echoed throughout the bathroom, startling Jaylen. She dropped her phone on the ground.

"WARNING. FIRE. PLEASE EVACUATE." A robotic voice spoke between loud, evenly spaced buzzes.

_Apparently, it can get worse._

She reached down to pick up her phone, flipping open the latch on the stall door with her other hand. She pulled the door open and turned her head and saw the door to exit the bathroom engulfed in flames.

_Ah fuck._

Smoke filled the room as Jaylen panicked, looking around to see if there was a window or something she could climb out of, as the fire crackled in front of her threatening to burn her alive again, it was hot and she was sweating and she knew she shouldn't have come to this stupid show and now it was all for nothing she was going to die she was already dead she put two fingers on her neck as the fire continued consuming the door she felt it consuming her even though it was on the other side of the room she felt it at her feet felt it swallowing her up took one last gasp of air as she prepared to sink back into the trench as the fire burned in front of her burned all around her burned her alive and she screamed and she couldn't let out a sound and everything went grey, which was strange because the first time she'd died everything turned red and then pitch black and the second time it just skipped straight to pitch black so why was it grey now?

She was coughing, she could figure out that much. She was on the ground and she was coughing and she felt something wet on her hands and knees and she opened her eyes and the fire was smaller now, and still back at the door, it hadn't gotten any closer after all. The door was wide open now, and someone in a bulky suit was standing there, spraying down the flames with a large hose, and they turned and made a motion behind them and another bulky suit ran into the room and knelt down next to Jaylen and Jaylen could hear words, fuzzy through the mask, they were certainly words but she couldn't make out what they were saying and she was coughing she couldn't stop coughing and the next thing she knew she was being hoisted up and she squeezed her eyes shut as she was carried out of the burning bathroom.

The cool air outside hit Jaylen like a brick as the firefighter gently laid her down on the ground. They reached down to check her pulse and she slapped their hand away on instinct.

"Well, guess that means you're alive," Their voice crackled through the oxygen mask.

Another firefighter rushed over, this one without a helmet or mask, she recognized him from the team but couldn't put a name to his bespeckled face. Jaylen tried to stand up but he knelt down and gently put a hand on her shoulder, "You're in no condition to start moving just yet. Let's wait for the ambulance to get here."

"Ambulance?" Jaylen's eyes went wide as she envisioned the tabloids the next day, envisioned the Garages finding out she was ever here, envisioned the texts she'd try her best to ignore tomorrow that would haunt her for weeks. She started scrambling to her feet, glancing around to see if any of her former teammates were nearby.

"Please, you need to lie down," The maskless firefighter said, pressing her back down by the shoulders as she struggled, "You need to be seen by a doctor."

"I need to get out of here," She tried to push him off her, "I can't let anyone know I was here."

"We'll get you home as soon as possible, I assure you, just please try to remain cal--" His radio took that moment to crackle to life, a voice on the other end asking for backup.

"Butt, you go," The masked firefighter said, "I'll stay with her."

"But..."

"Go!" The firefighter snapped, venom in their voice.

Joshua Butt nodded, muttering something about the damn arsonists as he jogged back towards the fire truck that was parked out front. The other firefighter knelt down next to Jaylen, their breath amplified by the filter in the mask.

"You don't want it to be known you're in Chicago, right Jaylen Hotdogfingers?"

Jaylen stared at the faceless mask in front of her, trying to make any form of eye contact, of connection, through the glass face protector. Slowly, more timidly than she liked, shook her head no.

"Here. Let me check you for injuries. If you have anything serious, I have to take you to the hospital. But," They held up a hand in response to the increasing panic in Jaylen's eyes, "If you don't have anything serious, I'll let you go. Butt can crucify me later."

Jaylen nodded, checking her pulse. She shivered from the cold as her brain began to catch up with everything that had happened. The air reeked of smoke, and she began making a conscious effort to breathe as little as possible as she tried to stop painful associations from creeping her mind.

_Just. Don't think about fire. There's no smoke here. It's fine. Just don't breathe too much and you won't smell the smoke which is good because it's not here because there's no fire and you're safe out here and you're not going to die and there's no smoke and there's no fire and_

"I said, do you have any pain anywhere?"

"What?" Jaylen blinked, her eyes refocusing on the firefighter in front of her.

The firefighter sighed.

"You're absolutely sure you don't want to go to a hospital?"

"If you try to take me to the hospital I'll ki--" She stopped herself, knowing how seriously some might take that kind of threat from her, "I'll… sue you."

That drew out a single, dry chuckle from the firefighter, as they reached gloved hands up to remove their helmet, revealing a black, fire-resistant hood underneath covering their hair and ears. They slipped off their gloves to reveal black fingernails and dark skin, their hands reaching up behind their head to unlatch the oxygen mask and let it hang over their--no, her shoulder. A few brown curls poked out from underneath the hood as her eyes, one brown and one almost neon blue, met Jaylen's gaze.

Rivers Rosa was kneeling next to Jaylen Hotdogfingers, her face unreadable as she thought through her next words.

"Where are you staying?"

"Uh," Jaylen tried to remember the name of the hotel, but the fire flashed in her mind and she let in a sharp inhale, the scent of smoke once again setting off alarm bells in her mind. She checked her pulse. It was racing, but it was still there for the moment.

"Look, you're shell shocked. This is going to be my last try: are you sure you don't want to go to the--"

"I'm sure!"

Rivers blinked a few times, taken aback. "Well, that's your prerogative I guess. Look, you're not in the best shape, and you don't even know where you're staying. I don't feel good about letting you just wander the streets of Chicago like this. I'll give you two options, okay?"

Jaylen nodded.

"Option one, I call Knight and they pick you up. They're in town, luckily for us."

Somehow, through the brain fog, Jaylen was able to envision Knight's reaction.

_"Lady Hotdogfingers! Good heavens, thank the stars thou art safe! This fearsome village of Chicago appears to be quite the warzone, we shall leave at dawn. Do not fear, good lady, for I shall accompany you for the rest of this trip, for thine own protection. Oh, what a journey we shall have together!"_

"What's option two?"

"Option two is you crash on my couch."

"What."

"Jaylen, I'm going to be real with you. You were just in a fire. I have seen many people recover from being in a fire. It is not pretty and it is not fun. I cannot, in good conscience, let you run off. The third option would be to let you stay in the Firehouse, but it gets pretty chaotic there after an emergency."

Jaylen mulled it over. Well, she tried to at least, but she found her thoughts slipping through her fingers like… well, like smoke. Her mind felt heavy, as if a dense fog had rolled in, turning her inner monologue into a blurry and unrecognizable shape far off in the distance. A small part of her, perhaps the only part of her mind capable of any level of self-reflection at that moment, realized that she needed help. She felt her head nod, felt her lips wrap themselves around the words she needed to say.

"Your couch."

Rivers extended a hand, her expression impossible to read.

"Come on. Let's get you somewhere quieter."

* * *

The ride over to Rivers' apartment was as uneventful as any motorcycle ride with a relative stranger could be, Jaylen supposed. Rivers had handed her an extra helmet and told her to hold on tight, so she did, wrapping her arms around the other woman's waist as the engine roared in the night air. She'd tried to ignore the scent of soot on Rivers' jacket, tried to ignore how warm she'd felt in her arms, how oddly comforting it had been to rest her head against her shoulder blade as they'd sped down the streets of Chicago.

Rivers was silent as she led Jaylen up the stairs to her apartment. She paused in the hallway to remove her boots, firefighter jacket, and bulky pants, revealing an _I DON'T NEED A VALENTINE I NEED WINE_ tank top and black leggings underneath. Jaylen cocked an eyebrow.

"Getting changed in the hallway?"

Rivers returned an icy glare.

"You think I want my apartment smelling like fire?"

"... Fair point."

"Any more questions?"

Rivers' voice dripped with impatience. Jaylen almost hesitated before asking her next question. Almost.

"What's with the outfit?"

"Emergencies don't wait for me to change clothes. Or to finish doing laundry."

And with that, Rivers slipped the key into the lock and walked into her apartment. Jaylen followed, watching as Rivers dumped her firefighter uniform into a deep basket by the door and stuck the lid on top.

"Bathroom's on the left. Towels are inside. Go shower."

"Can't walk two steps into your apartment before you start ordering me around?"

Jaylen couldn't help herself. It came with the territory of being exhausted, traumatized, and in a new situation, she supposed. Rivers turned to look at her.

"Fine. You want me to shower first? Cause we're both sweaty and reek of smoke right now, and I would love to shower."

She tried to think. Was she sweaty? She couldn't really tell, mostly because she couldn't figure out if she was in a body or not.

"... Jaylen?"

Jaylen blinked and the room came back into focus, which was cool because she hadn't realized it had ever gone out of focus.

"Alright, come on, you'll feel better after a shower. I'll turn the water on, you can just stand in there for fifteen minutes."

And Rivers grabbed Jaylen by the shoulders and steered her into the bathroom, closing the toilet seat lid and sitting her down on top. She reached behind the shower curtain and turned the water on.

"I'll be in the kitchen."

With that, she walked out of the bathroom, closing the door behind her.

* * *

The water was warm and comforting, the steam fogging up the mirror as Jaylen found herself staring blankly at the grey stone-look tile that lined the shower walls. The sound of the water hitting the floor was loud enough to cover up her thoughts as she got to work scrubbing the memory of the night's events off her body. The floral scent of Rivers' soap was a welcome reprieve from the constant, unyielding scent of smoke that had surrounded her all night.

A knock came at the door.

"Hey, I realized that you probably uh. Don't have a change of clothes. I'm leaving some pajamas right outside the door."

"Oh!" Jaylen's voice came out much more hoarse than she remembered it being as she yelled over the shower, "Uh, thank you!"

The interruption knocked her out of her stupor. She took a deep breath and checked her pulse. Still there. Not too fast either.

_I should probably get out soon._

She fussed with the unfamiliar knobs until she could figure out how to turn off the water, a chill coming over her as she grabbed a tan-colored towel from the other side of the curtain and wrapped it around herself.

She did feel better after a shower, she had to admit. Her head was clearer. The night's events were behind her.

_It's… really sweet of Rivers to have me stay here actually. Is that. Is that normal firefighter protocol?_

Jaylen made sure the towel was snug around her body and opened the bathroom door a crack, crouching down to pick up the bundle of clothes on the ground before shutting the door again.

The shirt Rivers had provided was certainly earning its place in Jaylen's personal ugliest shirts hall of fame. It was a somewhat big, light blue, long sleeve shirt with darker blue crabs all over. Smack dab in the middle read large cursive text that read _Snarky since birth, Salty by choice_ , and directly below it, a clashing serif font read _CHICLAWGO ATTITUDE COLLECTION_. Both sleeves had _CHICLAWGO ATTITUDE_ printed on the arms, and, to Jaylen's dismay, the design on the front of the shirt was repeated on the back.

 _At least these are normal_ , she thought as she slipped the grey sweatpants on.

She quickly ran her fingers through her wet hair, trying to smooth it out as much as possible, before opening the door and heading back out into the rest of the apartment.

The bathroom directly faced the kitchenette, where Rivers was pulling clean coffee cups out of the dishwasher. She turned her head upon hearing the bathroom door open.

"Oh good, you're done. I'll finish filling this up and then hop in. You can go ahead and hang out in the living room, I guess. TV's in there. Oh!" Rivers closed a grey cabinet, "I ordered pizza. If it gets here while I'm in there, just hit the buzzer and they'll bring it to the door."

"Oh, um. Wow. Thank you."

Jaylen stood in the bathroom doorway awkwardly, and then realized that Rivers probably needed to get in there. She shuffled out to the living room, nestling in amongst the piles of unfolded laundry on the couch as Rivers disappeared into the bathroom.

Rivers' apartment was honestly not too bad, Jaylen had to admit, now that she had a moment to take it in. The couch she was sitting on leaned against a brown exposed brick wall. Tastefully draped along the wall was a series of stringed edison bulbs. A few small plants sat in the windowsill, drooping from neglect. A tan rug lay underneath a small coffee table, which was covered with the leftover trash from a few nights of microwave dinners. The TV stand had a neat little array of VHS tapes lined up. On one of the walls hung a framed certificate naming Rivers Rosa as Captain of the Year.

Jaylen dug up a plaid blanket out from under the pile of clothes and grabbed the tv remote, flipping absentmindedly through channels as she waited for Rivers to get out of the shower.

She didn't have to wait for long. She'd just settled on a mediocre looking cooking show when she heard the shower shut off. Barely two minutes later, the door buzzer rang.

"I got it!" Rivers called, just as Jaylen was shifting in her seat to get up. She slammed the bathroom door open and buzzed the delivery person in.

Rivers was somehow already dried off and dressed back in her prior outfit. She stood by the front door, peering through the peephole. The back of her tank top was caught in the waistband of her leggings. Jaylen caught herself staring and looked back at the TV, flushed, as Rivers greeted the deliverer and carried the pizza to the living room.

"We've got two options," Rivers said, looking at the mess on the coffee table, "I can either clean all this up..."

Jaylen sat up straighter.

"Or?"

A spark appeared in Rivers's blue eye.

"Or we can eat on the roof."

* * *

Jaylen couldn't help but feel that this was something Rivers did often as they exited the stairwell into the cool night air, Rivers carrying a box of pizza and two sodas, Jaylen carrying both a picnic blanket and the blanket she'd found on the couch.

The picnic blanket was spread, the pizza was set down, and the women sat on the rooftop, overlooking the streets of Chicago. Stars twinkled in the moonless sky. Rivers opened the pizza box, revealing a thin-crust pizza with pepperoni and mushrooms. Jaylen cocked an eyebrow.

"I thought all you ate around here was deep dish."

"You thought right."

Rivers' voice was cool, with a bit of an edge to it. Jaylen watched her pick up a slice and fold it in half.

"So… Why this?"

Rivers looked out over the edge of the roof. Her voice wavered for just a second.

"I wanted to make sure you liked it."

Jaylen could've sworn she saw a hint of a blush develop on her cheeks. Or maybe she was just projecting, feeling her own face flush.

The two sat in silence, eating their pizza as a breeze blew by. Rivers grabbed the other blanket and draped it over her exposed shoulders.

Jaylen reached down to grab one of the sodas at the exact same time as Rivers, and their hands briefly touched for a moment. Jaylen pulled away, her stomach tying itself in knots as she wracked her brain for some way to distract them both from what had just happened (or at least to distract herself from how soft Rivers' hand felt in that brief moment).

"Hey, Rivers?"

"Yeah?" Rivers didn't look at Jaylen when she spoke, continuing to look out over the city she was from.

"Thanks for rescuing me back there."

"Please. It's my job."

"What brought you into doing it anyway?"

Rivers absentmindedly reached up and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Some people just have a calling. This was mine."

"Damn," Jaylen said between bites of pizza, "That's kind of incredible. How do you balance it with playing Blaseball?"

Rivers turned her head, her grip strengthening around the bottle of soda she held.

“I wish I didn't have to. Fucking hate Blaseball.”

She took a swig of her soda before continuing.

“Shitty ass sport that they won't let any of us stop playing until we die. I mean, it's fucking ridiculous! I didn't sign up for this fucking shit, you know?”

Jaylen nodded, chewing on the crust of her pizza. “It's rough out there, isn't it?”

“Don't we both know it. I just wanted to fight fires. Not all this.”

Jaylen paused for a moment.

“I just wanted to be mayor.”

Rivers blinked.

“I forgot you did that. That feels like it was so long ago.”

“Yeah, well, look where it got me.” Jaylen repositioned her legs to get more comfortable, “Ran for office to try and help people. To try and curb corporate control of my city. Wanted to be the first mayor in history who didn't have a terrible political scandal. Joined the local ILB team because people saw I was good at pitching and thought it would increase city spirit. Suddenly I'm fucking burning alive.”

Jaylen looked at Rivers’ face, expecting to see the usual mixture of horror and pity that came when she mentioned her deaths to anyone. She was fully prepared to pull out the usual apologies for bringing the mood down and reassurances that she was fine, totally fine, it's in the past and she's alive now and hopefully that won't change anytime soon, and even if it does, at least she knows what to expect, and she'll lie through her teeth about how she's figuring out how to live so she won't have any regrets when she goes back down there, and her wisdom will impress everyone around even though it made her feel like shit, but what else could she say, how was she supposed to talk about how much dying absolutely sucks and how there's nothing you can do to prepare for it, so she'd just let the death conversation flow for a few minutes and hope that it would pass soon and that they could talk about something else, perhaps a cool bird or a funny internet video, and she could laugh and move on and stay up all night thinking about it, reliving her death over and over again, desperately wishing she could ever feel comfortable enough to tell the truth of it to someone, like she did every single time it ever came up.

What she wasn't prepared for was to see an expression of absolute fury on Rivers Rosa's face.

“See, that’s exactly what I fucking mean! You should never had fucking died at all! This stupid fucking bloodsport sucked us all in and it refuses to let us out until we die a horrible death! All for what? To throw a fucking ball?"

Her words rung out in the night air. The pizza was long forgotten at this point as the two women sat on the roof, Jaylen listening intently as Rivers laid out all of her problems with Blaseball.

"Here's the thing. All of us. We all signed up for our jobs knowing the risks. I accepted years ago that I'd die in a fire someday. But the idea was that I'd be dying in a fire trying to save people. Trying to protect my city. Not because a fucking umpire thought I looked at it the wrong way."

She squeezed her eyes shut tight, and Jaylen wanted nothing more than to lean across the picnic blanket and wipe away the tear rolling down her cheek as Rivers continued.

"It's just. Nothing felt real when you died. We all thought it was a fluke. We didn't know what was wrong with the umps. And then that guy on the Fridays died, and the girl from the Dale after, and then..."

Jaylen nodded, remembering those first few weeks in the Trench, how dark it was, how cold it was, the constant overwhelming weight pressing down on her at every moment, and how constantly alone she was, left to wonder if she was in her personal hell. Until Fitzgerald Massey and Jenna Maldonado showed up, and not too long after them,

"Tyreek Olive, right?"

"Yeah." She looked back out at the skyline, "It's not fucking fair."

"No. None of this ever was."

They sat in silence as the wind began to howl around them.

"Hey… Thanks again for saving me."

"You already thanked me for that. It's my job, I don't need any thanks."

"Yeah, well. Thanks for not making me have to deal with Knight's medieval ass."

"Wouldn't wish it on anyone," Rivers muttered. "At least for your sake you didn't get dropped here."

"Why's that?"

"Well, you'd make a shitty firefighter, first of all. We've already got our hands full teaching the two nuts how to do the job."

Jaylen laughed. "You're just jealous because I'm a better pitcher than you."

"Hey! I don't give a shit about that and you know it."

"Yeah right. Anyway," Jaylen reached down to close the pizza box, "Landing in San Francisco is probably for the best. At least they're friendly."

"Too friendly?"

"Way too friendly. I'll get used to it."

"Well..." Rivers trailed off, thinking through her words, "If you ever need a break from them, my couch is only a five hour flight away."

"Thank you. That's… really sweet, actually."

"Yeah, well, don't tell anyone I was nice, they'll never let me live it down."

The winds picked up, and Jaylen shivered in the cold, covering her hands with the sleeves of her ugly shirt. Rivers scooted closer, nudging the pizza box to the side and pulling Jaylen under the blanket with her. Her face looked softer now, the anger having worked its way out of her system. She tentatively wrapped an arm around Jaylen. They both flushed as they tried to read each other's minds, neither wanting to ask the question both were thinking, because what if she wasn't thinking the same?

"So," Rivers started, "You go to Garages shows often?"

Jaylen snorted. "I should've never gone. What a stupid idea."

"Not a fan?"

"Their earlier stuff was better." And she couldn't help but laugh at herself for saying a sentence that would've been pretentious out of any other mouth, that said to anyone else would've been met with pity. She looked and Rivers was laughing too, even though it was stupid and barely resembled a joke, she was laughing, and Jaylen's heart fluttered, and Rivers' arm was tighter around her now and she pulled herself closer still, her face inches away from Rivers as the laughter stopped.

In the final minutes of the fourteenth day of her third life, Jaylen Hotdogfingers found herself kissing Rivers Rosa, and for the first time since season 1, she felt alive.

They would end up deciding against having Jaylen sleep on the couch that night. And the next morning, Rivers would make coffee and Jaylen would get so embarrassed that the whole thing happened that she'd contemplate climbing out the fire escape and never stepping foot in Chicago again, and they'd both secretly wonder if this was just a fling, a pang in their chests telling them that they hoped it would be more.

* * *

News traveled fast, and the entire roster of the San Francisco Lovers came along to drop off Jaylen at the airport when she flew back to Chicago a week later. She had no idea how they'd found out--she hadn't told Knight anything when they traveled back to the bay. But they were excited for her (probably too excited, she thought) and, well, it felt nice to have someone on her side for a change.

Rivers picked her up at O'Hlare. They were going to go see a show--not The Garages, Rivers had reassured her, but some metal band fronted by an old friend of hers. She'd asked her out over the phone, the conversation going something like:

"Really, you want to take me to a concert? Didn't you just rescue me from one?"

"Yeah, well, maybe I'm just looking for an excuse to rescue you again."

Jaylen had flushed at this and ended up trying to mask it by acting deeply offended. Their phone calls were few and far between--firefighting was a demanding job, and the Lovers were keeping Jaylen busy as well with their movie nights and team building exercises (she hated to admit it, but the daily trust falls were helping)--but when they happened, they'd consistently end up talking for hours about nothing and everything and all the people and places and things they loved and hated and loved to hate.

And so Jaylen was back in Chicago, nestled behind Rivers on her motorcycle as the two zoomed toward the venue. The engine roared, too loud for them to talk, leaving Jaylen alone with her thoughts about how warm Rivers felt in her arms. The smell of the leather of Rivers' jacket mixed with what Jaylen now recognized as her shampoo was comforting. There were no cars in Chicago, just buses and bikes and firetrucks, and soaring through the empty streets on the back of Rivers' motorcycle made Jaylen feel like they were the only two people in the city.

The venue was much larger than the grimy bar than the one The Garages played in. The entire building was built out of beautiful rosewood. The ceilings were high, and a dazzling array of red speakers lined the front of the stage. It was a bit crowded, but Jaylen found the sea of people surrounding her comforting. She'd always loved the feeling of being lost in a crowd, even more after she came back to life, where crowds became the only place she was unrecognizable.

"You want a drink?" Rivers asked.

"Yeah, get me a vodka soda?"

"Got it."

Jaylen watched her weave back through the crowd to get to the bar, and let out a breath she didn't realize she was holding.

_Gods she's cute. I still can't believe she asked me on a date…_

_Wait a second._

_Is this a date?_

She had no idea why she hadn't considered the possibility until now. I mean, sure, they'd kissed that night, but that didn't mean they were on a date. In fact, it probably wasn't a date, she told herself, because if she wanted it to be a date, then there was no way that it was one. That's just not how her life ever went.

By the time Rivers came back with the drinks, Jaylen had convinced herself that this was just a friendship trip and that their fling the week prior was just that--a fling. She took a sip of her drink and relished in how it burned as it slid down her throat. She was in the process of trying to convince herself to stop thinking about how beautiful her not-date was when that very same not-date interrupted her thought process:

"You excited?"

"Oh, yeah! Yeah I am!" She tried to act natural, which was hard when Rivers was slipping her free hand into Jaylen's, "You said you know the band?"

"Just the guitarist, yeah. We go way back."

"You see their shows often?"

"Nah, she only just got into a band a few years ago. I'm happy for her, to be honest. Seems she learned a lot for the few weeks she was in Seattle."

"In Seattle?"

Rivers' eyes opened wide, and before she could explain herself, the lights in the venue dimmed, and the crowd roared in response, pushing as close to the stage as possible, squishing Rivers and Jaylen together.

It was just the opening act, it turned out. A local punk band, fronted by one of the Firefighters' pitchers--Edric Tosser, Jaylen guessed by the green undercut. They sang and screamed about arson and hating your life, the expected topics for this sort of thing. They were good, Jaylen had to admit. Rivers squeezed her hand for the entire set. Jaylen felt her stomach flip as she squeezed back, starting to let herself wonder if this was actually a date after all.

The set ended as soon as it had begun, the energy in the room at an all time high. The crowd was buzzing.

"Another drink?" Rivers asked.

"Wait, before you do, you have to tell me who fronts the band."

"Oh, I'm not sure if you'd know her actually."

"If she was in Seattle, I know her."

Jaylen's words didn't seem to reach her, as she'd turned toward the stage and seemed fixated on a stagehand setting up what looked like little cans on the edge of the stage. She mouthed a few words to herself, furrowing her brow.

"Rivers? What's wrong?"

"It's... Those are pyrotechnics. There's no way those can go off in here. The whole place will light up."

Jaylen froze.

_Just my fucking luck. Of course this would happen. Of course I'm going to light on fire and die at my second concert here and on my first da--not a date, with Rivers. Of fucking course._

She felt something squeezing her hand.

"Don't worry hon, I'm taking care of it."

Jaylen felt her heart flutter at being called hon.

Rivers slipped her hand away and began trying to push through the crowd toward the stage, but Jaylen grabbed her hand again.

"Don't leave me alone?"

Rivers turned back and nodded, strengthening her grip and leading Jaylen through the crowd.

A line of bike racks prevented them from getting any closer than a few feet to the stage, but Rivers fit her feet in the spaces where bikes would normally go and stood on top, calling out to the stagehand.

“Hey! Chicago Firefighter here! Don't set those up, this building isn’t built for that!”

The stagehand stared blankly at her. “Ma’am, I'm just an intern. Take it up with Flame.”

“Flame?” Jaylen asked from behind Rivers.

“Paula Flame. That's my friend's stage name.”

“... Like--”

“Yeah, she chose it because it sounds like Hall of Flame.”

Jaylen rolled her eyes, realizing exactly who Rivers’ friend was. Paula Mason had only been on the Garages for a few weeks, but she'd picked up the guitar fast, shredding with the best of them before departing for Hades, leaving that bitch Paula Turnip in her place.

Rivers continued yelling at the stagehand, demanding that the cans be removed, or to talk to a supervisor, or at least have them not facing toward the audience or the very flammable roof. She was getting heated, Jaylen could tell, and she was starting to climb completely over the bike racks to move the cans herself. Jaylen looked at the can closest to them. It was small, made of metal, and pointed directly at them. Jaylen watched as it began to glow white, with a tinge of bright orange on the inside, just like when she saw that umpire's eyes--

“Holy shit babe watch out!”

Jaylen felt her body move as she tackled Rivers to the ground, the bike racks toppling over with them as a column of fire launched out over the crowd. It burned bright and hot and Jaylen felt it above her back and felt her blood pressure raising and reached up to check her pulse and it was fast, so fucking fast, and she felt like she was going to die she squeezed her eyes shut ready for the impact ready for the flames to swallow her up again, death number three here we fucking come, just hurry it up already don't make me wait

She waited, and it never came.

She checked her pulse. Still there.

Jaylen opened her eyes and saw Rivers’ face, close to hers, her eyes wide open, sweat forming on her forehead.

“You… saved me.”

It was in that moment that Jaylen realized she was straddling Rivers. She started scrambling up to her feet, mumbling apologies, but Rivers put her hands on her waist and pulled her back down into a kiss, soft and sweet and full of emotion, and Jaylen forgot entirely about the fire and the concert and leaned into it, pressing her lips back against Rivers’.

“Holy shit lovebirds get a fuckin’ room!” A voice called from above, and their lips parted and Jaylen rolled off of Rivers as fast as she possibly could, her cheeks reddening as a woman she could only describe as a tattooed grandma stood over them on the edge of the stage.

“Paula!” Rivers adjusted her shirt as she climbed back onto her feet, “What the fuck were you thinking, having pyrotechnics in here? Did you forget your whole training?”

Paula Mason laughed, a hearty laugh, the kind of laugh you develop after years of a life well-lived. “Oh please, it's harmless so long as I eat it.” And Jaylen winced, feeling her chest grow tight as Paula turned the canister back on and aimed it straight at her mouth, swallowing the flames whole.

Jaylen could see Rivers get ready to argue more and reached up to tug on the sleeve of her jacket. Rivers knelt back down next to Jaylen.

“Wanna get out of here?”

“Yes please.”

And Rivers and Paula flipped each other off before Rivers grabbed Jaylen by the hand once again and led her out of the venue.

“Hey… you good?” She asked when they'd made it outside.

“Yeah, I'm okay.” And she was okay, she found. Not like, perfect. Certainly she was shaken up a bit. But she was okay. “Definitely wouldn't be able to watch a full show with those things on though.”

Rivers nodded, and then shook her head. “I can't believe she'd do something so risky. Ugh. What have the Tigers done to her?”

“Seems like she's having a fun time at least. Anyway, consider us even?”

Rivers laughed, “Yeah, okay, sure, we're even. Next date we go on there better not be any fucking fire at all.”

“Next… date?”

“Did you not think this was a date?” The color grew in Rivers’ cheeks, “I mean, it doesn't have to be a date if you don't want it to be, I just--”

“No!” Jaylen blurted out, “No I was. I just didn't think it was one because I didn't think you were interested in me and I figured you'd just rather be friends and--”

“Jaylen.” Rivers held up a hand. “Jaylen you flew all the way here from San Francisco just to… hang out? We literally made out last week.”

Jaylen's face grew an even brighter shade of red as she started putting two and two together in her head. Rivers laughed, wrapping an arm around her shoulder.

“Come on, Jay, let's go get dinner. My treat, since you saved my ass.”

“Can we kiss again first?”

“Of course we can.”

* * *

They end up going back to Rivers’ apartment again after dinner. And this time, they agree to go on more dates, and see where things go from there. And then Jaylen flies back to San Francisco and the Lovers beg her for details that she's be too embarrassed to share, before she flops on her bed in the Polyhedron and prepares for another five hour bitch session with Rivers.

Jaylen absentmindedly scrolls through a swimsuit catalog online, figuring out what to wear for their waterpark date. Across the continent, Rivers is in her apartment, doing the exact same thing, both blushing over the phone as they gossip, both excited to see where this whole thing goes, both finally looking forward to the future.

**Author's Note:**

> hiiii this is my first shipping fic ever i hope you like it!!! i hope i have converted everyone into rivers/jaylen fans!!!
> 
> title from the death of me by marianas trench


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